The Rape Republic

“She was roaming with her boyfriend and she back answered us. The girl had to be taught a lesson”

- Rape accused in Nirbhaya Case)

"A woman means it immediately puts sex in the man's eyes. The India Culture is the Best Culture. There is No place for woman in Indian Culture"

- Defence Lawyer in Nirbhaya Case

"My husband can never do such a thing. I have full faith in him"

- Wife of Accused in Nirbhaya Case

Months back, my Mom had instructed me to prepare a dish when my 4 year old nephew comes home the next time, the idea was to make him see and realize that it’s normal to find men in the kitchen. ' Yeh auratonwale kaam kyon kar raha hai ' (why is this man doing a woman’s job) was the reaction my friend’s nephew gave while watching a male chef on a cookery show. India is plagued with gender prejudice/stereotyping/policing and the gender sensitization vaccine needs to be administered at an early stage in life.

Gender prejudice is one of the many high yielding seeds that ensure a rich harvest of the heinous crime. In a nation that clocks a rape every 20 minutes and averages a score of 76 rapes a day with victims ranging from 6 month year olds to over 60, it is far beyond just a law and order issue. It warrants a study of the psyche of a society that comprehends horrifying statistics with remarkable apathy. 

To begin with it is important to understand the mindset of the specie at the centre of this storm - the  Indian woman. Years back, my then boss asked me if I have seen a woman running for a bus or a train. The image gave me an insight – in addition to physical clothing – the Indian woman also needs to protect her social attire. And handling this attire affects almost everything she does - her walk, her talk, her laugh. She can't burp , hogg like a pig, yawn like a child. She needs to be cautious with this attire or risk being 'socially molested' or even 'socially raped'. And the perpetrators of this rape aren't males alone.

The term slut is one of the epitomes of 'social rapes' and ironically most often used by women to describe other women. While it is considered very derogatory to be termed a slut - the corresponding masculine term is supposedly a compliment. This social attire of women accentuates physical rape to the extent - that it is the only crime where the victim’s identity needs to be shielded - which in effect means - the victim needs to be more ashamed than the rapist. Modern science is still grappling with the location of ‘honour” in the female genital area. 

Women scrutinizing women for weight, pimples, body hair also take its toll. This over emphasis on packaging lays ground for a society that views its women as objects. So ladies – be easy on other women and yourselves, burp when u feel, 8 out 10 men will find it cute, the remaining 2 are not worth your time.

Meanwhile, India needs to give extra care to its boys while they grow up – misplaced sense of gender superiority and misinformation about sex are prime concerns. India has ended up giving undue importance to sex because it has failed to give sex its due importance. Raping women in community clashes or family feuds stems from an age old patriarchal mentality of considering women as property. India needs to strike at the heart of this mindset. Children should be given surnames of both parents. Name of the father and mother should be given equal importance in legal formalities. .

A shocking statistic about rape is that about 98% of victims know their assailants. This brings the focus how we treat our women – which is the byproduct of upbringing. Universally in India males are brought up with the air of superiority which is drilled most enthusiastically by society – parents in particular – and most tragically by mothers. Put your son in place so that your daughter can find her place in society.  If your daughter is questioned about her whereabouts and activities, so must your son because the activities he engages unchecked is what makes this country fear for their daughters.  If men are not found amidst household chores, and woman are not found amidst decision making , then this country will continue to move from one nirbhaya to another.

The tormentors of nirbhaya, grew up in hinterland on a regular diet of seeing their mothers being battered like cattle by their fathers. The defiance of women hence comes as a cultural shock to these men. As my mother prepares to vaccinate her grandson – I see hope and the onus lies on the parents of this generation to create conceivable gender utopias in our homes – so that in time it will spill on to society. This will ensure that the prospective tormentors of a future nirbhaya will see a girl with dreams in her eyes and not the defiance of an animal in need of discipline.